PAINLESS is FREE to view!

Ok, so…

This little film PAINLESS is one of my accomplishments I’m most proud of in my life. Up until today, it hasn’t been free to view by any means other than festival screenings or Indieflix…

But not anymore! You can watch it now! Thank you to all the cast and crew who helped make this possible.

Keepin’ the fire alive…

Some years are better than others. Last year, 2017, was one of those ‘other’ years. A combination of global and domestic events in the Porter/Martin household made for a ::ahem:: challenging 365 days. But as my college roommate and I used to say, “That which doesn’t kill you, makes you a better actor.” So every hardship, every set back, I did my very best to be grateful for the opportunity to learn and navigate through a new life experience. I allowed death and loss to shake me out of my rut and quit my day job that afforded me stability but no happiness. I got involved in politics but also learned the importance of balance and mental self-care. I learned that even when things are tough and the road feels impossible, I still don’t want to give up on my dream…and that the only true failure is to stop trying. (That last part I’m still working on “knowing” but, hey, fake it till you make it, right?)

Ok, so blah blah blah. It’s March 7th! What have I been doing for the last two months since I learned all these important lessons last year? Well, I’ve been licking my wounds a bit. But mostly figuring out what it means to not just be ‘mentally surviving’ every day. I’ve been figuring out what things about my life make me happy and what things don’t. If I can change the things that don’t bring me joy, I change them…or at least start thinking about how I could. I’m reacquainting myself with activities and hobbies other than acting that bring me joy. I’ve taken up painting and drawing again. I’m learning how to box. Just trying to keep my joy alive.

Now listen, it sounds like a far more streamlined pursuit because, you know, this blog is social media and all social media is just us posting the best, most unattainable version of ourselves. So I’ve had my very down days where I have no effing idea what the eff I’m doing. But in general, I’ve been able to keep the joyful fire burnin.’ So I guess I’m telling you all this for…what? Accountability, maybe? Or maybe there is a part of me that says ‘if I type this out and make it real I can’t turn back.’ So here’s to me not turning back.Squids-1344

A New Year, A New Day, A New Purpose

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…Ok. A new purpose sounds a little pretentious, I’ll admit. I’m not going to go on a political rant. I’ll just speak vaguely about my own experiences and let you take from it what you will.

November 9th was a dark day for me, for many. I went to sleep feeling hopeless and like my life had been high-jacked. I no longer was sure that ‘good would always win out in the end,’ and my life’s dream of a career as an actor seemed…trivial and unattainable. It felt like IĀ had a responsibility as a decent human being to enter a fight I never had any desire to get into. I guess you could say I was asleep and content to be so. I’m a compassionate person. I care about my fellow man. I vote. I donate to defend those less fortunate and the planet. But all in all, I was content to leave the activism to someone else. I (more or less) trusted our basic system of government. I knew it wasn’t perfect but I had an innate sense that things would always balance out. The pendulum may swing in a direction that didn’t align with my beliefs or understanding of the world, but I always ‘knew’ that it would eventual swing back.

I woke up on November 10th, expecting to escape the nightmare I’d just had, only to find I was still very much in that nightmare and feeling like that pendulum had completely swung off its axis into the dark abyss. I felt like I had no choice but to join the fray. It felt like such a huge and hopeless uphill climb.

So…I mourned. I lost all willpower to eat healthfully and exercise and proceeded to promptly gain 10 lbs. I gave myself permission to cry and eat and drink and I left the damn country for 10 days.

But now…it’s time to get to work. No one chooses something like this. But here it is. So what can an actor ‘living in a liberalĀ bubble’ do?

I’m not sure…

I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m meditating. I’m surrounding myself with friends and people I trust. I’m taking at least one action a day and I’m NOT going back to sleep. I’m hoping this turns into making a project that inspires others to do the same. Because THAT’S what we can do: inspire people and speak out. Maybe we’ll change some minds, but what’s more likely is that our job will be to inspire those that feel hopeless and help lonely souls feel less lonely. So here weĀ go. Let’s get to work…

My Very First Blog Post… I exist now, I guess

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I never quite felt like I would ever keep up with a blog…

Despite all the things I have to say whether people are listening or not…

Here goes nothin’! LET THE GREAT BLOG EXPERIMENT BEGIN!*

*If you can tell me what show I’m referencing here… MARRY ME!**

**That was another clue.***

***I promise this won’t be an Arrested Development fan page****

****I mean that’s a great show though…